I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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