I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
