Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
