Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
