take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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