it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
