I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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