I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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