Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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