i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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