I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
