He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
