Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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