since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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