Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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