so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
