Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are we in a gay sports bar?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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