she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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