so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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