$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
