just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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