i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
