So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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