I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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