Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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