Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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