she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
