you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
