I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
