Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
