I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
