god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
