I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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