I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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