Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
