i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
