I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
