he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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