Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
