How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
