I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
