What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
