.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
