1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
