Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
