Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
