She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
