Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
