The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
