I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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