I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
