Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
