I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
