What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
handjob tips. give me some.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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