Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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