I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
