it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
