sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
