I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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