I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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