I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
