I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Randomize
