I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The adults are the big ones right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
