i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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